YAY!

HEY! I got some of my senior portraits done. This is so exciting! I was so happy when I happened across the setting I wanted.

ALSO. Dorene Nash is the best photographer in Mobile. No lie. WOW. I love her work.
Anywhoooooo
Im off to see the wonderful world of the ACT and its science portion.... :P

My first and incomplete draft of college essay.

I feel the urgency to prepare as I search for my purpose, for His will. I cannot wait any longer---there was never a day nor a second of this lifetime promised to me.
I waded into the water, the ocean's waves knocking me off balance. The sun was shining brighter than I had ever seen, the clouds so majestic and white. As I surveyed the works of God's hands, of His breath, I couldn't help but smile. The wind, the sea, the sky---God has painted it into existence!

And even better, although I am a tiny speck on the earth, He has chosen to love me! To weave the fabrics of every aspect of my life together, just as He did with the creation of our world. The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky proclaims the work of His hands! As I pondered all this I stopped in front of my youth pastor, Ken Whitton. Right then, a wave rushed over me. He asked me if I believed that Jesus Christ died for my sins. I smiled and said "Definitely." He put his hand over my mouth and dipped me back into the salty water. When I surfaced, I felt elated. I had finally been obedient to God, and had been baptised. My church stood before me on the sand, clapping their hands. My small group stood in the water beside me---my sisters, my fellow barbarians for Christ.
That day stands out among the rush of many simply because God's glory was so obvious around me, it was petrifying. That day, although I had decided long before then, I knew that I would do my very best to do what it was that God had in store for me. I want to please Him, I want to worship Him, adore Him, I want people to see Christ living in me. I tossed away my old self and clothed myself with God. I have changed so much in the last year. I went from not knowing what it was that I wanted to do, to wanting to be a fashion designer, to knowing I was meant for more. God reveals to me slowly day by day that He has the plan, and that I merely just need to go along with it. I will face struggles, but what is the Way without strife? "How narrow is the gate, and how difficult the road that leads to life, and few find it." (Matthew 7:13) Oh, how I thank God that I know the truth! That I am learning and growing, not staying a baby, not stuck on milk! I thank Him so much for showing me the Way and the life!!! I fall to my knees in awe! How can He forgive the likes of me? He does! I bow down in worship. It is so liberating to know truth- that to die is to live! I want people to know! Is that so wrong?

Breaking dawn was....

AMAZING!!!! That is all I have to say.

I'm tired.

And I don't feel like working. But I kinda do, though, cause if I work then I get to go to the release party of Breaking Dawn!!! :D I really cannot wait. I get to get the book tonight. I'll be up all night reading, how much you wanna bet?
It's kinda sad, though, really. It is supposed to be the last one... :C
It's just saddening.
I've not been so sturdy on my feet this week. I really need to get serious again. But I'm so tired!!! So what do I do? I guess I just keep going...

Today Has Been Strange.

I don't particularly like strange. I dunno. It took me a while to wake up this morning.

Last night, I read some crime files. One on Jeffrey Dahmer, and one on the Murder of Shanda Sharer. That was very scary. How could people be so sick? I don't understand it at all.

I'm so happy! Guess what! I get to go feed the homeless tomorrow. :D

:) Let all the Nations Hear and be Glad.

I just got through listening to John Piper's sermon called Declare His Glory Among the Nations.

And it's true! We were MADE to go out and continue what Jesus started.

The Great Commision was not a request, or a calling, as some like to think that only certain parts of the Bible apply to them.
Jesus said, "Go, and make disciples of ALL of the nations." (my emphasis.) GO. Not, if you think you are supposed to go, go. Just one word.

GO.

Bittersweet Symphony

I love that song. Bittersweet Symphony.
Well anyway, to the point..
I have finished my Bible study, A Glory Revealed by David Nasser. It's a time of celebration! I have actually finished something all the way through!! So that means that I can! AHAHA.
At this time, I am inbetween bible studies and am due to begin A Call to Die, by David Nasser, tonight or tomorrow. I am very excited. :)
Along this journey, however, it involves fasting. I have chosen to fast from Secular Media, including but not limited to: Secular music, tv, internet (So I can still blog about it, haha.) and video games. I may be able to see a movie every once in a while, but nothing that could raise my eyebrows in a "Oh, nonooo. That is very bad" kinda way. No rated R.
I have decided I will not ban books for the sole fact of that I have to be able to read to complete this bible study, and school comes up soon enough, so yeah.
So, No MYspace, Facebook or anything. All secular media. No TV. No radio that is not Christian.

But I do not count this as loss, dear brothers and sisters, for to really and truly live is Christ, and to die to myself is gain. I need to make myself LESS to make MORE of JESUS.
Does that make sense to you?
I'll keep you posted.

All the love!

---B---

Constantly on Edge

Like I learned at camp this year, it has been a constant daily struggle- a daily choice, to take up my cross and keep walking. There are days when I don't feel like going on, and some days, I don't. I'm sticking with it though- although we have so many things in our world- that just love to take our attention away, I'm still fighting and striving to stay away from the cliff. I don't want to go back. I don't want to fall again. I climbed back, and now I know I can do it. God has put a desire so big inside of me, that it is just bursting out. I want to go now more than ever. But I have to wait. I have to bide my time and use it well. I'm still preparing, and I need to become stronger in my faith, root myself even deeper.

Saying that, I am actually more rooted in my walk with God than I EVER have been. It's the best I've felt in a long time. I know I have a purpose, and I keep on going. But advancing further down the narrow path only makes everything harder. Satan is still trying to catch me in his grip, I still can feel him grasping at me. But I won't let go of God. I can't. I've caught a glimpse. Even though it's a tiny glimpse, it's a glimpse of something so magnificent, woven so beautifully, that it takes my breath away even to this day.

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. Psalm 19:1-4

Everytime I think of what God has done for us, what Jesus died for, I am so thankful.

I've learned to say "It is well with my soul."

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise?
How can I ever say enough?
How amazing is Your love!
How can I keep from shouting Your name?
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing!

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give
I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

How can I keep from Singing- Performed and written by Chris Tomlin

I want my eyes to be opened. I am a barbarian, struggling, imperfect and radical. I want to change people's perspective of God, show them how magnificent He truly is.

My Struggle Lately

Has been mostly with my thoughts and my feelings, things that I think are out of my control. As of late, I have been envious of everyone and everything! I don't know why, I just know that giving into these emotions, allowing myself to think that my life should be about me-- has really brought me much further from God than I should be. I got to the point where I was truly questioning myself, and Him. The Devil is sly, sneaky. It came upon me so fast... Like a strike of lightning. If I were honest with myself, however, I would have to admit that I saw it coming--maybe from a distance, an inkling, if you will. I let myself believe that if I skip a day reading my bible and studying, that it would be okay. I let myself say again and again: Tomorrow, Tomorrow! I feel as if I'm a broken record, singing that song from Annie. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll read tomorrow, studying is a day away!
Also. I have become a tad bit rebellious. I hate that, I do, but I do it anyway. So if anyone happens to read this, please pray that I keep my goal, my desires for God, and don't let any of it slip away.

I'm making a pact to myself, and God. I'll do the very best I can to shine for the Glory of God, to show the world how truly magnificent He truly is. He truly IS. I will study, I will read, and I will do my very best to trust my entire self to God-- I'm stepping off my throne, taking the crown of my life, and laying it at His feet, for He made THE sacrifice.
And I will make it my motto-- I have not made a sacrifice, for to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

John Piper says that battling unbelief and sinful nature is to replace it with superior pleasure. Future Grace, as he calls it. His book states that our faith in the promises God has made to us, and our faith in future grace- replacing our fleshly desires with God-Superior pleasure- will be the key to defeating unbelief.

Pray for me as my eyes continue to open, and as I battle my sin and unbelief with the Superior Pleasure--- God.
Peace. ♥

Hello!

Good Morning.
I think anyway. I'm tired and don't feel very well, but you know. Today, I think I am going to look through the book of Ephesians. I dunno why, but I picked that one. I'll blog about it later, right now: more sleep.

James and Jeremiah

Last night before bed, I read Jeremiah 5:10-31. It was rather unsettling. It definitely showed me that I have much to work on before I even begin planning my journey. I learned that it isn't my plan, first of all, that I can rely on. My youth group has been going through the book of James now for almost over a year. This small book, isn't small at all.
It tells us that
"'Today--at the latest, tomorrow--we are off to such and such a city for the year...'" You don't know the first thing about tomorrow. You are nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sunlight before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit by saying, "If the Master wills it and we're still alive, we'll do this or that." James 13-15
It goes on to tell us that if we even know the right thing but do not do it, then it is sin. We don't even have to be doing anything wrong. If we don't do the right thing, and do nothing at all-- it is sin.
James wrote this letter to the early churches, the newer christians. They all came together under one central belief, that Jesus was their soveriegn Lord, and God was his father. James is explaining and reprimanding the early believers---Believing the right things about God is not enough; even demons believe in God. James urges us to be not merely listeners of the word, but doers of the word. He illustrates this with a man looking at himself in a mirror, walking away, and a few minutes later have no idea who they are or what they look like.
Faith in Jesus should bring about radical life change. Real faith should put you in motion, not waiting for the go-ahead and such.
I'm just now beginning to grasp that. I think I know something, but then I'm completely proven wrong: that isn't a good thing. I need to begin preparing now, not later. I can't wait until camp, until college, until Costa Rica: I need to start NOW. I believe that God has really been harping that into my skull over the last few weeks.
Well anyway, Jeremiah 5:10-31 is a warning, I believe, to the people of the church. We are called scatterbrains, and airheads in a manner of speaking. God tells us we have eyes that see but do not truly look, and ears that hear but do not truly listen. It is a warning against the sin in our lives. God is kind, but he is not soft. He tells us that our sin is what blinds us from the glory of God. The more we wander from Him, the more we sin, disobey and justify ourselves, the further we get from God.
Also, God warns that He is taking serious measures against this people. He harshly reprimands us for our sin, warns those with no conscience: right and wrong mean nothing to them. They stand for NOTHING and stand up for NO ONE but themselves, and it goes further:
"...throw orphans to the wolves, exploit the poor."
Have we truly become this bad? I believe in a sense, we have. The world has gone insane.
Even now, I'm feeling a heavy heart. Guilty, because I am.
Have a good day, and don't forget: doers of the word.

Ahaha.

So the other day, I went to the movies with my friend, Matthew. I had lots of fun, we took pictures in the little photo booth, and then we went to taco bell. Then I had to park in a Gas Station to eat the taco. So, of course! I have to park by this SUV, in which there is a lady eating a corn dog, and crying hysterically. I was... I dunno. It was very awkward, and then people came out of the store and started talking to her. They laughed at us, and I was freaked out further, if at all possible. So my worst fear is now becoming that lady crying because she is eating a corn dog. Yay me. It was still a good night though, haha. I guess the lesson to learn from this is that although it may be a bad night, you can get through it. Don't obsess or worry. It says it in the Bible. "Do not worry, but cast all your fears on me..." or something to that effect.
So Tonight, I went to the movies again, saw Baby Mama, which despite the rumours was actually quite good. Predictable, but good. Then I went to the mall. Got some shirts for work. New sleeve for my phone. Yuh, quite uneventful day. It seemed to me though, that everyone I came into contact with today was having a bad day. I dunno if it was the day of the week or the whole "rain while the sun shines" thing, but you know. Not very encouraging. :) I'm gonna go to bed now, I have to get up really early.

So the First Blog is Written

Since everyone I seem to know is now blogging, I figured I might give it a whirl. Today has been quite uneventful, although I should be cleaning and such. (Haha, I'm the worst for procrastination.)
I've been having a good week. I'm now employed by Wal-mart, and it's going great. Still don't know all I need to, but I am slowly getting there.
Right now, I'm really interested in going into journalism. Not the gossip kind, but you know... ok, let me explain.
My Plan: Changes all the time, but somethings stay the same.
Go to Alabama University, to major in Journalism.
During the summers between school, I will hopefully be able to intern at VOM, or The Voice of the Martyrs and eventually work for them, reporting on persecution overseas.
After college, I plan to go to Costa Rica for a mission school.
I eventually hope to live in China, or another country that suffers frequent persecution, running home churches, and fighting back at persecution. It breaks me that the people that live in these third-world countries die everyday for Christ, and we just sit here, blissfully unaware. They love God more--- He is their TREASURE. I want to wittness this miracle. I don't like being civil. I long to be barbaric for Christ.

That's just a smidge about me. :D
Have a Beautiful day!