Constantly on Edge

Like I learned at camp this year, it has been a constant daily struggle- a daily choice, to take up my cross and keep walking. There are days when I don't feel like going on, and some days, I don't. I'm sticking with it though- although we have so many things in our world- that just love to take our attention away, I'm still fighting and striving to stay away from the cliff. I don't want to go back. I don't want to fall again. I climbed back, and now I know I can do it. God has put a desire so big inside of me, that it is just bursting out. I want to go now more than ever. But I have to wait. I have to bide my time and use it well. I'm still preparing, and I need to become stronger in my faith, root myself even deeper.

Saying that, I am actually more rooted in my walk with God than I EVER have been. It's the best I've felt in a long time. I know I have a purpose, and I keep on going. But advancing further down the narrow path only makes everything harder. Satan is still trying to catch me in his grip, I still can feel him grasping at me. But I won't let go of God. I can't. I've caught a glimpse. Even though it's a tiny glimpse, it's a glimpse of something so magnificent, woven so beautifully, that it takes my breath away even to this day.

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. Psalm 19:1-4

Everytime I think of what God has done for us, what Jesus died for, I am so thankful.

I've learned to say "It is well with my soul."

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise?
How can I ever say enough?
How amazing is Your love!
How can I keep from shouting Your name?
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing!

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give
I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

How can I keep from Singing- Performed and written by Chris Tomlin

I want my eyes to be opened. I am a barbarian, struggling, imperfect and radical. I want to change people's perspective of God, show them how magnificent He truly is.